Not Today, Maybe Someday
by JustBFree
Summary: Horatio and Julia after the final scene of "Bombshell". Horatio/Julia. One-Shot.


**Author's Note: Yes, another Horatio/Julia one-shot. Why? Because I'm bored, because I think they could work together on the show. Because if anyone needs a little company, it's Horatio Caine. Love that Caruso, oh baby!**

* * *

The woman sat, staring blindly at the tiny medicine bottle in her hands, turning it, reading and rereading the label. She sighed and wondered when life would become better. This woman had been through so much, seen so much. She had loved only once, though many men had loved her. She had lied, cheated, stolen and conned her way deeper and deeper into the gilded cage that had become her life.

If only someone knew what she would trade it all for, a life free of trouble, happy times to be spent with her son and...

She felt movement behind her, felt a man's hands on her shoulders. Horatio. His hands lingered over her, she could sense his hesitation. Then, she felt his kiss, the softest thing on the crown of her head. It was meant to be a gesture of comfort, she knew, but couldn't help the responding jump in her chest from that small contact.

He moved to sit down beside her on a separate bench, gracing her with the hint of a smile. He was trying to reassure her, in his way, though things would always be strained between them. Julia knew she only had herself to blame for that; she had been the one to disappear, keeping the pregnancy a secret from John- from _Horatio_. Horatio Caine. She had to remember that John had been a lie, all of it had been.

She might have loved him, but she had only loved the character Horatio had created for his cover.

The con-woman fooled into loving a cop. Even she could laugh at the irony in that. It sometimes kept her from crying.

"He won't be stealing your pills anymore." The man said quietly, meaning her newly deceased neighbor. "You're going to stay on them?"

Julia turned to Horatio. His eyes were the only kindness to be found in his stony face. He had aged heavily in the years they'd been apart, while she had gone to great lengths to retain her youth- it had been key to her schemes as well as her survival; Horatio had simply seen all manner of violence and cruelty in his years, the things he'd seen could damage a man's face as easily as his mind and soul. It didn't matter to her- she had cared for him once, it wasn't something she could ignore much longer.

Julia blinked, trying to ignore the shiver his voice had always sent down her spine. "No, I'm going to talk to my doctor and see if there's another option, another kind of pill. I want to get better but I can't do it with these." She said, holding up the bottle. "They put me in a fog. I can't live like that anymore."

Horatio nodded. "When will you go?"

"I've already e-mailed him for an appointment. I'll go as soon as he can book me." She took a deep breath. "Thank you, Horatio."

"I didn't do anything. It's my job to-"

"You know what I mean." She turned to face him, fully. "You've been looking out for Kyle and I, protecting us when you could have been working against me for custody."

He shook his head and stood up. "I wouldn't do that. He chose you. You're better for him than I am."

She stood to follow him into the house. "Don't lie. I've been trying, Horatio, I really have. It's just that trouble keeps coming after me, first with Ron, now this..." Julia felt the unfamiliar sting of tears at her eyes. "Oh, God, look at me, I'm such a mess."

Horatio lead her to the living room sofa, handing her a handkerchief. "Julia, you can't think that way. No one reinvents their lives overnight. This will take time. You know that."

His hand came to rest over her bare shoulder, again a rushing shiver swept over her body, tightening her skin. She remembered him, his voice, his touch...

"Horatio." She groaned the name and bent her head forward.

"Julia?"

She threw her arms around him, needing comfort, needing the warmth of a man. The tears she'd been holding back came to the fore, releasing her confusion and fear. Horatio held her, unsure how to go on. He could feel her small sobs, and stroked her back, her hair, the way he had the one time she'd cried in front of him, years ago...

"I want it to be better, it has to be for Kyle."

"It will be. You just need to stay straight."

"Sometimes I wonder if I can, if I even know how. After he was born I knew I could never be the mother he needed. I'm still not."

"Not true."

"You should hate me, after what he's been through because of me."

Horatio raised his brows, surprised. "Is that what you think?"

Her silence confirmed his thoughts.

"I don't hate you, Julia, I never did. I was angry when we first found each other, but I understand now, and I can't say that a part of me doesn't blame myself."

She looked up. "You?"

He nodded. "If it hadn't been for me, you would have never had Kyle in the first place. You never would have had to make those choices."

Julia frowned, feeling her tension ease somewhat. They sat together on her sofa, truly talking for the first time in years. A part of her knew they needed this. "It wasn't your fault, Horatio. It was a complicated time for us both."

He gave her a half-smile. "Understatement, but yes, nothing has ever been simple when it comes to either one of us."

Julia dabbed at her eyes, willing the sting of her past tears to ease. "Some parts were simple," she said, knowingly hinting at their past. "I remember it clearly."

When he spoke, his voice was rougher. "So do I. What we had was impossible to forget. Not because of Kyle."

"I loved you. Or, I loved John. That's why I let my guard down." She looked at him then, a sudden need to confess. "I didn't know I was pregnant until after I left you. It was the day the raid happened, when I found out you were a cop. I didn't learn your real name until years later."

He bent his head, his voice quiet. "I'm sorry."

"You were only doing your job, it's not-"

"I'm not sorry for going undercover. I'm sorry that what I did hurt you. It must have been difficult for you, being alone after it was over."

She shook her head, thinking back to the months after the swat team had raided the home of her 'employer', a dealer from Colombia specializing in cocaine transport with a little human trafficking business on the side. It had been from this man that she'd learned the con, the power a woman could hold over a man if she played her cards right. "It wasn't too difficult, I was able to survive and get some money together for the first few months. I had to stop when I started to show. I got myself taken care of, the right doctors, the right hospital. I reconnected with my mom, and she was helping me for a while, but...she didn't have enough money to take care of me and Kyle. Trouble was never far, so I left him with her. I'd been sending money back home every month, like clockwork."

Horatio cleared his throat. "I know, I had it checked out when I found out he was my son."

"I don't know what I expected when I left him, that she would take better care of him, raise him better than she raised me. I was always too afraid to go back and see him."

"You were afraid?"

"Yes. I was afraid he would ask me why I left, why I couldn't take him with me. My mother...she told me she'd been sending him to the best school, making sure he had everything he needed. I'd had no idea until you told me." She put her head into her hands, not crying, but feeling the weight of her anxiety lift from her shoulders.

Horatio saw the guilt and the pain in this woman, it stirred something in him he'd thought was buried under years of experience of dealing with the world's criminals. Hesitating, he reached forward, laying his hand over her back, stroking lightly in an effort to calm her.

"Julia, mistakes were made by both of us. All we can do now is do our best for Kyle. You can do it."

She laughed humorlessly. "That's what you tell everyone you arrest, isn't it?"

He smiled. "Only the ones who I believe can make a change in their lives. We can get through this, Julia. Kyle needs us."

Her eyes flashed at him. "We need each other, you mean."

"Yes. We need each other. We can make a family, in a way."

Julia cleared her throat. "Family. Do we even know what it is to be part of a real family?"

"We don't, but for him we have to try."

"Horatio...do you think we could ever be...close again?" It was a simple question, one that had been on her mind since they'd found each other.

The man beside her looked away for a moment, lowering his eyes to the floor, considering. "I've wanted that, for years. After you disappeared, I wanted you. But, Julia, after everything...I think it would be better to wait and see."

Her heart lowered at his words, but there was still a trace of hope. She was able to summon a smile for him. "All right. Not today."

He nodded. "Not today, but maybe someday."

"I owe it to you both to try, to be stronger, better."

Horatio took her hand, giving it a squeeze of reassurance. "I'm here for you Julia. Remember that."

"I will. Horatio?"

"Hmm?"

"I'll make dinner on Saturday night for us, a family dinner. Can you make it?"

"I'll be here."

"Thank you."

Horatio glanced down again, hesitating for a moment, but then moved forward. Julia's eyes slipped closed once she felt his lips press against her cheek, another one of his gestures, meant to be reassuring but succeeding only in stirring old emotions, the thick wave of pain coupled with a flash of desire.

He stood to leave then, and it was his retreating back that spurred her into the decision. Julia stood and followed him to the front door. She took hold of his arm, turning him to face her. Before he could raise his hands to press her back, to stop her, Julia bent forward and pressed her lips against his. The kiss was gentle but carried with it the hint of their past. She felt his hands on her, touching her face, her hair.

He pulled away then, breaking the kiss but not his hold on her. His eyes were as bright blue as ever, but slightly dazed now. She pressed her forehead to his and let him hold her, remembering how good it had been with him and knowing how good it could be if he would only...

"I'll be here for dinner on Saturday, Julia."

He released her fully, looking away from her. Whether from a personal shame or some other reason, Julia could not tell. He turned and left then, leaving her wanting more, and hoping for a day when they could mend the wrongs of their past.


End file.
